The past few days I have been particularly off...Nothing and no one interests me.. I have not really been in a mood to talk.... Last night was no different... I was excited at first to meet my dearest's after a few weeks and dreading exams were over..... The plans were simple... a movie... suddenly what I thought was going to be a small group ended up being 16 people and I was the 17th one.....
I am no longer the person who can stand long crowds... I decided to give the movie a miss.... A decision I guess I will not regret at all.... Yes, I did feel miserable staying alone at home all time.. but I guess something good eventually did happen..
after 4 hours of continuous turning on my bed, I gave up and decided that there was no point trying to sleep when I did not want to..I started packing my bags for India at 4 am in the morning.. something only insomnia can drive you to do..... I thought my night will end there.. but little did I know fate had something more...
I started watching Kurbaan.... however the movie did not stream and so I started watching PAA..... onne of the best movies made in Bollywood... Auro stuck a cord so strong that all the happenings of the previous night did not matter at all... in the end all that he did was reminded me of Kaka... some I love the most in this world.
Kaka suffered from Down's syndrome.... However his brains were sharper than anyone I know... he surely could not read and write, but his pictorial memory will place you exactly when and where did he meet you.. He passed away this past month... I got the biggest shock of my life... I did not get to see him one last time....something I will always feel guilty for and the only reason I regret being in the US for... Seldom did I realize that he made a difference so big in my life that nothing mattered in front of him.... all of a sudden I was shattered... everybody tried to console me and told me he moved on to something better... I too believe that...However, How will I ever move one? How will his void be filled? Yes, I remember all the good times that I had with him? but How will I relive them? PAA and Auro will remind me of Kaka every time I will watch it..... I cant help my eyes when I see it.... Loneliness is one thing...but knowing that you are going to be alone is all the more scary..... something no one will understand.... something I will never explain.....
Love you Kaka..... Now and forever......
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