Vivid Crossroads...

I turned 25 this year. At 25 I wondered what have I achieved? What have I done? And the final question, am I really happy? Sometimes I feel, was I a coward to take the easy way out? 

It funny how you self-reflect as you hit those "milestone years". It starts with 18, moves to 21 then 25, 30, 40 and lastly 50! At 18, I was a newly slim kid, with a goal of being a doctor one day. At 21, I was about to realize my dream- higher education in the "USA". I was the first to leave on my mother's side of the family. Part of it was what I wanted to do and part, whether sub-consciously or not, was about making something out of myself, so that I can support my family and make my mother proud. I have always thought to have lived my life that way I wanted to. Had the freedom, made the means and found people to do so within the process.  

At 25, I realized that I have and will always have responsibilities. I cannot be the average Joe, who could take off as and when he pleased and quit his job to travel the world on his backpack. I am finally making peace with it. What I could do, is stop complaining about how tough my life is, because, it wasn’t. Complaining how stressful my job was, what a difficult childhood I had, how my life is going to be because I'm gay! - All had to stop. Life has been gracious to me, all the time. I was lucky to have my parents and family. I was lucky to have an education. I was lucky to have the opportunities that I did. Someone would kill to be in my spot. Rather than complaining about it, I started embracing it. 

What I could do at 25 was start living a more honest life. One, where I am true to myself and proud about who I am. I took a conscious effort to break the ramshackle of silence and joke about all the things that went wrong in my life. After all, what else can I do. I have never been more open, more free spirited and more embracing!